PEOPLE WITH DEMENTIA AND THE CHILDREN WHO SUPPORT THEM. Trapezia thoughtfully brought a very worthwhile New York Times article to my attention. "Forget the career. My Parents Need Me at Home" by Jane Gross rings true in covering the profound fulfillment as well as some of the frustrations experienced by people who make dramatic career changes to support parents with Alzheimer's Disease. The article and many of the letters offer relatively rosy pictures, but Debra Wiley's letter serves as a corrective, offering insight into how difficult the situation can be:

You wrote about financially secure people and seemed to imply that the "daughter track" offered an escape from high-paying careers that were no longer satisfying.

The more common story is that we walked away from five-figure jobs that offered health and pension plans. We often financially support parents, who have only their Social Security. We supplement gaps in Medicare from our own pockets. We consume our savings and drain our 401(k)'s.

There are no escapes to Starbucks. Afterward, we are almost back to square one.

We struggle to find a job. We are forty- and fifty-something women who now have spotty work records. There is the quest for overtime, despite age-related ailments.

The clock is ticking. There is the constant fear, as Mary Ellen Geist, who left her career to care for her parents, says, "Who will care for me?" Answer: No one.

The emphasis in the Times is on women who act as supporters, but the issues covered (and many others) apply to men too — and there are also many, many issues for children who do not feel the freedom to make a wholesale commitment to daily parental care. If the number of people with dementia increases as expected in New York City and elsewhere, those issues will have a major impact on our lives and the lives of those close to us. The vulnerability of nursing home candidates, so evident in the aftermath of Katrina and Rita, is something that Baby Boomers (and our society as a whole) should address quickly and responsibly and humanely, even if only for selfish reasons.

Geriatric physician Jerald Winakur's "What Are We Going to Do With Dad?" is an autobiographical article that made the rounds some months ago. It addresses the difficulties and situates them in a national context. Related links are below. (If you need to register, considering using BugMeNot.com.)

Shortish Washington Post version (registration might be needed)

Longish original version from Health Affairs

NPR Interview (Audio)