CARTOON CAPTION/ANTI-CAPTION CONTESTS CONTINUE!

We can now welcome Michigan to the Winners Circle thanks to Caption Contest 111 (near-naked man wearing shoes and socks):

"On second thought, it's more of a sandals day."
David Wood (Marquette, MI)

(As for winner Montana (James Montana, that is), John Bucher of Emdashes offers a charming interview here.)


In Caption Contest 113 (hotel cleaning woman with gun), the nominees come from front-runners California and New York.

"Oh, now you want to talk, when all week it was 'Do Not Disturb'."
Diane Ferraro (Brooklyn, NY)

"The time is 11:59. You have one minute to check out."
Lance Dickson (San Jose, CA)

"I can fluff your pillow the easy way or the hard way."
James Gendron (Syracuse, NY)

My loser:

"Someone's about to be 'disturbed.'"

Pretty close to Diane Ferraro's nominee, don't you think?


In Anti-Caption Contest 114 (Drew Dernavich lifeguard talking with woman while perched near giant cloud-enshrouded tower), the winner is

"That's the tower for your fucking cell phones, so you fucking out-of-towners don't have to suffer through five fucking minutes of being without your precious fucking cell phones. However, please note that despite my obvious contempt for your privileged lifestyle, I will still save you from drowning, should it come to that."
Francis

My losers:

"It is true that I am a lifeguard, but there is also a greater lifeguard, One who guards the lives of all lifeguards. Even though this Great Lifeguard cannot be seen, I have a deep and abiding faith in His higher presence. Would you like a pamphlet? It's waterproof."

"That's right. It’s the ill-fated lifeguard tower-to-nowhere project."

"Please move out of my line of sight. I’m on duty."

"For some obscure reason I want to call you Didi."

And I shan't let this pass without acknowledging these from B'nai the K:

On my nose? Zinc oxide. And (snif) coke.

I wasn't really into swimming as a kid. But do you remember this band called BLOTTO?

OK, let me see if I've got this right. A "caveman" wandered over from the comic strip "B.C.," went into that outhouse, slammed the door shut, stank it up something awful, and apparently wiped his ass with the pages of the Koran? Here are the two biggest things wrong with your story. First, this is the New Yorker, not the New York Post -- we don't carry "B.C." or any strip that Johnny Hart creates, and we never have. Second, though you'd be forgiven for thinking so, this actually isn't the New Yorker CAVEMAN Cartoon (Anti-)Caption Contest, they just got lazy and used caveman scenarios several times over a short period, so no, you don't have to make up stuff about cavemen who don't even appear in the drawing. And finally, you know, I'm not the caveman police, I'm not the outhouse police, I'm not the cartoon p.c. police. I'm just the lifeguard. See what it says right here? "Lifeguard."

Caption Contest 115 is here. Anti-Caption Contest 115 is here—with prizes!


THE STANDINGS

Here is the current New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest breakdown by state. You can find it all mapped out here.

19 California

16 New York (14 from the Big Apple)

9 New Jersey

6 Massachusetts
6 Pennsylvania

4 Connecticut (two from New Haven, two not)
4 Maryland (none named Mary)

3 Georgia (includes two-time winner Carl Gables)
3 Illinois
3 Minnesota (Minneapolis 2, St. Paul 1)
3 North Carolina
3 Ohio
3 Virginia

2 District of Columbia
2 Mississippi
2 Missouri
2 New Hampshire
2 Oregon (both named Eric, both from Portland)
2 Rhode Island
2 Texas
2 Utah
2 Vermont

1 Alabama
1 Alaska
1 Arizona
1 Florida
1 Iowa
1 Kentucky
1 Michigan
1 Nevada
1 New Mexico
1 Oklahoma
1 Washington

Map Introduction

Thanks to Andriy Bidochko for Map Builder.

Image by David Marc Fischer using Samsung cameraphone

QUEER LOGIC

Here's a Time Out New York logic puzzle by anti-captioner Francis Heaney.

Thanks to Dan Radosh for the lead. I admit that, like him, I'm having trouble even getting started on this one. In fact, at this very moment I wonder: What's the point of even posting it at this hour?

Photo: David Marc Fischer

CARTOON CAPTION/ANTI-CAPTION/CROSSWORD CONTESTS CONTINUE!

Yeah, I know: Over the weekend, Tyler Hinman won the American Crossword Puzzle Tournament for the third straight time: T-U-R-K-E-Y! But, looking over the full results, let's also note that the third place finisher, Francis Heaney, has also won Anti-Caption Contest #43, Anti-Caption Contest #74, and Anti-Caption Contest #85. Congrats to Francis, whose post-tournament blog entry is a must-read for anyone who digs Wordplay.


As for Anti-Caption Contest #91 (motorcycle cop writing out ticket to caveman with big wheel), the winner is

"So you never got a patent, huh? I had to learn that the hard way myself. Fucking pasta-straining pot. It cooks and drains pasta. Get it? Here, let me draw you a picture."
lil miss poland spring

My losers:

"This is for being on the road with an open rolling rock."

"Call me 'sugar tits' again and I'll kick your caveman ass."

And here's one that made me chuckle:

Guaranteed real-life winner: "All right, where's the fire?"
TG Gibbon

We'll see....


In Caption Contest #88 (line of salemen leading up to growling dog), the winner is

"You don't scare me. I come from a long line of salesmen."
Mike Ford (Brick, NJ)

Now the Garden State is just one win away from double digit territory.


In Caption Contest #90 ("old lady in shoe" living in red shoe district), the nominees are

"Don't ask me. I don't know what to do."
Robin Brecker (Philadelphia, PA)

"Remember back when the worst thing you could catch around here was athlete's foot?"
Charles Beckman (Towson, MD)

"Oh, the rhymes I could tell you."
Jerry Hubert (New Providence, NJ)

My loser? I'll have to check my records at some other date. [Oh yes: "I hear she had a visit from Dr. Scholl."]


Caption Contest #92 is here. Anti-Caption Contest #92 is here.


THE STANDINGS

Here is the current New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest breakdown by state. You can find it all mapped out here.

16 California

12 New York (11 from the Big Apple)

9 New Jersey

6 Massachusetts
6 Pennsylvania

3 Connecticut (all women, two from New Haven)
3 Georgia (includes two-time winner Carl Gables)
3 Minnesota (Minneapolis 2, St. Paul 1)
3 North Carolina
3 Ohio

2 District of Columbia
2 Illinois
2 Maryland (both women, neither named Mary)
2 New Hampshire
2 Texas
2 Utah
2 Virginia

1 Arizona
1 Iowa
1 Mississippi
1 Missouri
1 New Mexico
1 Oklahoma
1 Oregon
1 Rhode Island
1 Vermont
1 Washington

Map Introduction

Thanks to Andriy Bidochko for Map Builder.

Image by David Marc Fischer using Samsung cameraphone