CARTOON CAPTION/ANTI-CAPTION CONTESTS CONTINUE!

We can now welcome Michigan to the Winners Circle thanks to Caption Contest 111 (near-naked man wearing shoes and socks):

"On second thought, it's more of a sandals day."
David Wood (Marquette, MI)

(As for winner Montana (James Montana, that is), John Bucher of Emdashes offers a charming interview here.)


In Caption Contest 113 (hotel cleaning woman with gun), the nominees come from front-runners California and New York.

"Oh, now you want to talk, when all week it was 'Do Not Disturb'."
Diane Ferraro (Brooklyn, NY)

"The time is 11:59. You have one minute to check out."
Lance Dickson (San Jose, CA)

"I can fluff your pillow the easy way or the hard way."
James Gendron (Syracuse, NY)

My loser:

"Someone's about to be 'disturbed.'"

Pretty close to Diane Ferraro's nominee, don't you think?


In Anti-Caption Contest 114 (Drew Dernavich lifeguard talking with woman while perched near giant cloud-enshrouded tower), the winner is

"That's the tower for your fucking cell phones, so you fucking out-of-towners don't have to suffer through five fucking minutes of being without your precious fucking cell phones. However, please note that despite my obvious contempt for your privileged lifestyle, I will still save you from drowning, should it come to that."
Francis

My losers:

"It is true that I am a lifeguard, but there is also a greater lifeguard, One who guards the lives of all lifeguards. Even though this Great Lifeguard cannot be seen, I have a deep and abiding faith in His higher presence. Would you like a pamphlet? It's waterproof."

"That's right. It’s the ill-fated lifeguard tower-to-nowhere project."

"Please move out of my line of sight. I’m on duty."

"For some obscure reason I want to call you Didi."

And I shan't let this pass without acknowledging these from B'nai the K:

On my nose? Zinc oxide. And (snif) coke.

I wasn't really into swimming as a kid. But do you remember this band called BLOTTO?

OK, let me see if I've got this right. A "caveman" wandered over from the comic strip "B.C.," went into that outhouse, slammed the door shut, stank it up something awful, and apparently wiped his ass with the pages of the Koran? Here are the two biggest things wrong with your story. First, this is the New Yorker, not the New York Post -- we don't carry "B.C." or any strip that Johnny Hart creates, and we never have. Second, though you'd be forgiven for thinking so, this actually isn't the New Yorker CAVEMAN Cartoon (Anti-)Caption Contest, they just got lazy and used caveman scenarios several times over a short period, so no, you don't have to make up stuff about cavemen who don't even appear in the drawing. And finally, you know, I'm not the caveman police, I'm not the outhouse police, I'm not the cartoon p.c. police. I'm just the lifeguard. See what it says right here? "Lifeguard."

Caption Contest 115 is here. Anti-Caption Contest 115 is here—with prizes!


THE STANDINGS

Here is the current New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest breakdown by state. You can find it all mapped out here.

19 California

16 New York (14 from the Big Apple)

9 New Jersey

6 Massachusetts
6 Pennsylvania

4 Connecticut (two from New Haven, two not)
4 Maryland (none named Mary)

3 Georgia (includes two-time winner Carl Gables)
3 Illinois
3 Minnesota (Minneapolis 2, St. Paul 1)
3 North Carolina
3 Ohio
3 Virginia

2 District of Columbia
2 Mississippi
2 Missouri
2 New Hampshire
2 Oregon (both named Eric, both from Portland)
2 Rhode Island
2 Texas
2 Utah
2 Vermont

1 Alabama
1 Alaska
1 Arizona
1 Florida
1 Iowa
1 Kentucky
1 Michigan
1 Nevada
1 New Mexico
1 Oklahoma
1 Washington

Map Introduction

Thanks to Andriy Bidochko for Map Builder.

Image by David Marc Fischer using Samsung cameraphone

CARTOON CAPTION/ANTI-CAPTION CONTESTS CONTINUE!

Wahoo-wah! In Anti-Caption Contest 112 (cavemen inspecting giant gun), the winner is

"This may explain the enormous, dead hooker we saw yesterday."
Matt

but one of the two finalists is

"Yeah yeah, I get it -- the title 'Huge Bore' contains the critique, ha ha. But again it seems I'm the only one who'll come right out and say that Jeff Koons is just jerking off! Like the enormous sabertooth tiger with the big sad eyes and the balloon-twist tail. People still worship that thing. Literally! Remember Tina, my ex? Her cousin Leslie went off with this tribe, the Uggams, who literally worship the enormous Jeff Koons tiger, as their deity. Stupidest thing I've ever heard of. Koons, the early cave etchings had something to say, but this, this is bullshit."
B'nai tha K

and among the honorary mentions is

"First we wore caveman costumes to a formal wedding. Then we ate the cake that shrank us to the size of ants. And now here we are, seeking shelter from a live volcano. What else could possibly go wrong?"

by yours truly!

I had some losers, too:

"I think it says B-A-N-G!"

An Allegorickal Depiktion of the honorable Senator Lawrence Craig in the Stall of a Men's Washroom

"If we moved in, would we be gunmen?"

Two of those three make me laugh inside.


In Caption Contest 109 (airplane passenger sitting next to giant microbe), previous winner Colin Nissan made it as far as the first cut, but the winner is

"I hate connecting through Roswell."
James Montana (Arlington, VA)

So that's three for Virginia and, despite appearances, none for Montana.


In Caption Contest 111 (nearly nude man entering bare apartment) the nominees are

"On second thought, it's more of a sandals day."
David Wood (Marquette, MI)

"Forgot my underwear, shirt, suit, belt, tie, and watch."
Michael Sullivan (Cambridge, MA)

"If I don't wake up soon, I'll have some explaining to do tomorrow."
John Arntz (Sonoma, CA)

My loser:

"No matter what, dear, we've still got to be in it to win it."

Caption Contest 113 is here. Anti-Caption Contest 113 is here.


THE STANDINGS

Here is the current New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest breakdown by state. You can find it all mapped out here.

19 California

16 New York (14 from the Big Apple)

9 New Jersey

6 Massachusetts
6 Pennsylvania

4 Connecticut (two from New Haven, two not)
4 Maryland (none named Mary)

3 Georgia (includes two-time winner Carl Gables)
3 Illinois
3 Minnesota (Minneapolis 2, St. Paul 1)
3 North Carolina
3 Ohio
3 Virginia

2 District of Columbia
2 Mississippi
2 Missouri
2 New Hampshire
2 Oregon (both named Eric, both from Portland)
2 Rhode Island
2 Texas
2 Utah
2 Vermont

1 Alabama
1 Arizona
1 Florida
1 Iowa
1 Kentucky
1 Nevada
1 New Mexico
1 Oklahoma
1 Washington

Map Introduction

Thanks to Andriy Bidochko for Map Builder.

Image by David Marc Fischer using Samsung cameraphone

CARTOON CAPTION/ANTI-CAPTION CONTESTS CONTINUE!

Alaska has a chance to enter the winner's circle in Caption Contest 110 (bandaged crash test dummy in wheelchair at hospital), where the nominees are

"I wish I had those knees."
Art Berg (Reading, MA)

"I hear he's got one-hundred-per-cent coverage—parts and labor."
Barbra Holian (Juneau, Alaska)

"Dibs on his left hip!"
Tim Jegla (La Jolla, CA)

My loser:

"Look who failed the crash test."

In Caption Contest 108 (caveperson sweeping in front of modern-looking structure), the winner is

"He's always thinking outside the rock."
Jonathan Williams (Owings Mills, MD)

That makes it four winners from Maryland. None are named Mary.


In Anti-Caption Contest 111 (naked man, bare room), host Dan Radosh unexpectedly stopped the contest early and skipped town before I managed to post anything. The winner turned out to be

"Hi. I'm a door-to-door rapist. Ha ha-- just kidding! I'm not going door-to-door. I'm targeting you specifically."
Dan McCoy

Blog About Town did get some indirect representation, though, as Friend of BAT B'nai the K merited an Honorable Mention with

"Well I just had it out with the boss."(laughter) [script consultant note: I suggest sticking with the "classic" setup for that punchline, with the man clothed, zipping up his fly, exiting an office bathroom. While this is a nice absurdist twist on it, the gag itself is probably unfamiliar to enough of the young demo that it'll work fine the straight way. Also, since this beat falls midway through Act I, we should really build gradually toward -- or "earn," if you will -- the surrealistic payoff of Act III.]

Caption Contest 112 is here. Anti-Caption Contest 112 is here.


THE STANDINGS

Here is the current New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest breakdown by state. You can find it all mapped out here.

19 California

16 New York (14 from the Big Apple)

9 New Jersey

6 Massachusetts
6 Pennsylvania

4 Connecticut (two from New Haven, two not)
4 Maryland (none named Mary)

3 Georgia (includes two-time winner Carl Gables)
3 Illinois
3 Minnesota (Minneapolis 2, St. Paul 1)
3 North Carolina
3 Ohio

2 District of Columbia
2 Mississippi
2 Missouri
2 New Hampshire
2 Oregon (both named Eric, both from Portland)
2 Rhode Island
2 Texas
2 Utah
2 Vermont
2 Virginia

1 Alabama
1 Arizona
1 Florida
1 Iowa
1 Kentucky
1 Nevada
1 New Mexico
1 Oklahoma
1 Washington

Map Introduction

Thanks to Andriy Bidochko for Map Builder.

Image by David Marc Fischer using Samsung cameraphone