REMEMBER THE GUMBO! Thinking of Hurricane Katrina and the rescue workers flocking to help its victims, I remember the generosity of some folks from Louisiana who brought culinary relief to the Big Apple after the September 11 attacks. Here's how it's described in the October 2001 special issue of The Tribeca Trib (PDF):

On Friday night, Sept. 21, a band of volunteers from Louisiana were serving rescue workers from a mobile kitchen set up on Greenwich Street at the corner of Reade. They called themselves the Gumbo Crew. Shawn Bradley, a 37-year-old electrician from New Orleans, wearing an American flag bandanna wrapped around his head, was tending a vat of okra stew on a portable stove. A table was laid with platters of rice, bread and hot sauce.

"I saw 'em on TV eatin' hamburgers one too many days," he said. "I said, I'm gonna go up there and cook some gumbo and do some good. Gumbo does something special. It's good for the soul."

Bradley, his wife and a crew of seven friends drove up from New Orleans. Next to their makeshift kitchen was a small trailer, which Bradley uses for his business. It sported a freshly painted sign: "Gumbo Crew: New Orleans to New York."

"I love to cook gumbo," Bradley said. "We do a lot of tailgating at LSU games."

The crew's goal was to serve 1,000 bowls before they headed home on Sunday or Monday. They planned to take turns sleeping in Bradley's covered pickup truck parked across the street.

The team had driven first to Canal and West Streets, but found no place to set up. "Then a couple of cops saw us," said Robert Quichoco, 28, who flew in from Boston to join Bradley's crew. "When we told them what we were doing, one of them said, 'We know a place and we'll give you a police escort there.'"

"We just set up and started cooking," said Bradley. "We'll cook until they run us off or we run out of food."

A city official had scolded them for setting up without a permit, but Bradley wouldn't budge. "If someone wants to stop us, let 'em try. I'm cookin' the gumbo or goin' to jail."

But the Big Easy crew was no match for Big Apple officials. By 1 a.m., the Health Department had shut down the ragin' Cajuns.

The following afternoon, Transit Officer Richard Starks, working security at the rescue site, stood with two fellow officers where Bradley had cooked the night before. "Where'd the gumbo go?" he asked. "I had three bowls yesterday. It's good to get a hot meal that's not fast food."

I remember seeing the Gumbo Crew amidst the chaos. It was a welcome sight for smoke-sore eyes. (I took a picture but it'll take me a while to post it here.) On the back of the truck was an acrostic:

Goodness
Unity
Mankind
Beloved
Optimism

Citizenship
Resolve
Everyone's
World

Is there a way for New Yorkers to reciprocate the gesture with a Bagel Bunch or a Pastrami Posse--coordinated with officials and including veggie and gluten-free options, of course? I hope so!

Here's more about the Gumbo Crew.

Editor's Note: You can see the picture at the entry for September 4, 2005.

MORE MOMA MOVIES. September isn't merely McElwee month at MOMA [see August 23, 2005]; the museum has an outstanding lineup (PDF) of other films, too. Following are some more highlights--and remember, Friday nights are free and a museum membership is a bargain for frequent filmgoers.

Friday, September 2
6:00 THE HIRED HAND (1971)
An unusual, haunting Western starring Peter Fonda, who also directed.


Friday, September 9
6:30 SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS (1957)
One of the great Manhattan movies, this crackling drama stars Burt Lancaster and Tony Curtis as an imposing columnist and a scheming press agent. It's screened as part of MOMA's tribute to director Alexander Mackendrick


Saturday, September 10
9:00 THE HIRED HAND


Thursday, September 22
5:45 SAFE (1995)
Presented as part of MOMA's salute to Killer Films, this Todd Haynes gem is a low-key profile of a woman desperate to save her health.


Friday, September 23
6:30 FOUR SHORTS
In this 80-minute program, Todd Haynes appears in He Was Once (a 1989 send-up of Davey and Goliath) and directs Dottie Gets Spanked (1993), a poignant portrait of a boy captivated by an I Love Lucy-like sitcom.

8:30 GO FISH (1994)
Lesbian subject matter didn't stop this landmark film from breaking into mainstream movie houses.


Sunday, September 25
2:00 SAFE


Wednesday, September 28
8:00 KIDS (1995)
Larry Clark's dour look at New York City youth, mid-1990s, features Rosario Dawson ten years before she appeared in the movie version of Rent.


Thursday, September 29
8:00 SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS

8:15 HAPPINESS (1998)
Todd Solondz's unsettling view of American lost souls.

Photo: David Marc Fischer

CARTOON CAPTION CONTEST. The results are in!

For Contest #13 (oddly dressed man and woman cavorting in bed), the worthy winner is "This is why I love yard sales," by Scott Fitzpatrick of Westfield, NJ.

For Contest #15 (Gahan Wilson's guy with a woman's head emblazoned on his cranium), the three nominees have been chosen. It's pretty close, but I'm leaning toward Evan Butterfield's, "It may look like the Virgin Mary, but I don't see how you can sell it on eBay." The world can always use another eBay joke!

My own submission for #15 wasn't great. Here's what I should have submitted: "The picture's nice, but you need a funny caption." Oh well!

As for my question about Candidate #2, Caption #14, a friend informed me that it's a reference to the three little piggy story. I suspected as much, but I still think the caption leaves much to be desired.

FROM CENTS TO SCENTS. What do you get when you combine Bertolt Brecht and Kurt Weill with Alan Cumming, Edie Falco, Nellie McKay, and Wallace Shawn? The Roundabout production of The Threepenny Opera, now expected to open at Studio 54 in April 2006.

If all goes according to plan, the show will star Cumming as Mack the Knife, Falco as Jenny, and McKay as Polly Peachum. Shawn is responsible for translating and adapting the original Die Dreigroschenoper, written by Brecht and Weill.

Meanwhile, McKay's Pretty Little Head--the much-anticipated follow-up to her CD debut Get Away from Me--should go on sale around October 18. It features collaborations with Cyndi Lauper and k.d. lang.

If amidst all this news you detect a whiff of excitement in the air, it could be Cumming the Fragrance. Perhaps the silliest of celebrity scents, it's "all about Sex, Scotch, Cigars and Scotland." I thought that was Connery! Anyway, you can now get a load of Cumming here.

The perfumer behind Cumming is Christopher Brosius, an acquaintance from years back who recently opened an eponymous Studio and Perfume Gallery in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. In his online profile, Christopher discloses that "My talent as a nose first came to light when I worked at Kiehl’s." I look forward to someday visiting Christopher's olfactory factory and sniffing Mr. Hulot's Holiday. Christopher is also working on a book about scents; it's scheduled to be published around the time that The Threepenny Opera opens.

Photo by David Marc Fischer

JULY VS. AUGUST! Which month is hotter in NYC--July or August? My vote has always gone to August, but this week Gothamist disclosed that July dominates when it comes to baking the Big Apple.

Out of the eleven hottest months since 1869, August bubbles up only once! That was the summer of 1980, tied for third with 80.3 degrees.

Yet for fans of August, there may still be hope. "How about the most humid and disgusting?" asks Jen in the Comments section. To which Tien adds, "must be the humidity." I'm skeptical of figures like the wind-chill factor and the heat index, but perhaps there's good reason for those numbers after all.

Incidentally, the temperature tally skews toward months in the late 20th Century. Only three of the hot months were prior to 1951; the earliest was 1908. Take note of that if you're looking for anecdotal evidence of global warming!

EXPLAIN THAT TOON! Not long ago, The New Yorker changed its Cartoon Caption Contest from an annual event to a weekly one. That means there are about 50 more chances a year for me to win! But it also means there are just as many chances for me to lose!

For each cartoon, the magazine picks three candidates for a final vote. This week, the magazine offers candidates for Cartoon #14, which depicts two guys in suits walking behind a woman. One of the guys appears to be a werewolf.

Candidate #2 is “Four hundred grand in damages? It was made out of straw, for Chrissake!"

Okay, I admit it: I don't get it. If you do, please use the comments to explain. Make me laugh! And feel free to share your own caption for the cartoon, too. (My own losing entry was "Don't be afraid of Virginia, Wolf.")

PLAYS VS. MUSICALS. Yesterday on the TKTS line, a woman asked me the difference between plays and musicals. "Well," I explained, "musicals have music."

There's another difference between plays and musicals: TKTS has an express line for plays. It's much shorter than the line for musicals, so picking up a couple of $49.25 tickets for Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf was a fairly painless endeavor.

Try to see Woolf before it closes on September 4. The play is a tough one to pull off, but actors Bill Irwin and Kathleen Turner do very fine work with director Anthony Page. It's much warmer and easier-to-bear Woolf than the movie version--yet it's still puzzling and provocative.

Other plays available at TKTS Thursday: Doubt, Thom Pain (based on nothing), and The Pillowman.

NOW PLAYING AT THE FILM FORUM. Don't let the title of Masaki Kobayashi's Samurai Rebellion (1967) fool you into thinking it's an action movie. It's actually a thoughtful, deliberately paced, crisply photographed period drama about maintaining humane values within an inhumane political system. The film, scheduled to end its run tonight, offers a refreshing spin on the samurai genre, with feminist themes and directorial quirks evocative of the French New Wave. Plus Toru Takemitsu works his soundtrack magic.

Miles Davis works his own soundtrack magic in Louis Malle's 1957 debut feature, Elevator to the Gallows, which just started a week-long run. Historic as a harbinger of the French New Wave, Elevator is not as polished as Samurai Rebellion but still worthwhile. This low-key suspenser also downplays action as it unfolds, giving viewers ample opportunity to imagine for themselves how the story might play out.

Photo: David Marc Fischer

LICHTENSTEIN'S MAGIC HOUSE. I'm ecstatic! Last weekend, I fulfilled a long-held desire: visiting the wonderful LongHouse Reserve in East Hampton, Long Island. Rambling through the sculpture gardens, I enjoyed dozens of earthly and unearthly delights, including a lotus-filled pond, a large sculpted chessboard created by Yoko Ono, and a glowing facade of a Roy Lichtenstein house (below).



















I was also impressed by a Buckminster Fuller Fly's Eye Dome (viewed below through Takashi Soga's The Sea of the Ear- Ring).


I would go into much more detail, but I don't want to ruin the pleasure of discovering LongHouse yourself. So visit as soon as you can!

Located at the 16-acre home of textile designer Jack Lenor Larsen (who created this beauty), LongHouse isn't open often. This year, its Open Hours are 2-5 pm on Wednesdays and Saturdays, April 30 through September 25. Kids under 12 get in free; adults pay $10 ($8 seniors). There is also one remaining twilight tour on Monday, August 29; admission to that costs considerably more: $30/person or $55/couple. Call LongHouse at 631.329.3568 for more information.

Photos: David Marc Fischer

700 SCHLUB. On Monday a religious fanatic appeared on video and called for the assassination of an elected leader of the Western Hemisphere. The bloodthirsty zealot was, of course, Pat Robertson, who previously called for a nuclear attack against the U.S. State Department.

Osama bin Robertson's advocacy of assassination was duly noted near the end of the Wikipedia entry about him.

MC ELWEE HITS MANHATTAN! The term "documentary-maker" is hardly adequate to describe Ross McElwee, the auteur behind Sherman's March and Bright Leaves. McElwee is much more of a film essayist or memoirist. Watching one of his droll, insightful movies is like curling up with a good, thoughtful essay that draws you into its author's mind and helps you to see the world anew, through his or her eyes.

New Yorkers have excellent opportunities to catch up with McElwee's work over the next month or so. Tonight, WNET broadcasts McElwee's Bright Leaves on POV at 10:00 pm. Then, from September 21-28, the Museum of Modern Art (MOMA) screens a retrospective of McElwee's work. If you can, see McElwee's films in sequence to get the full impact of the themes, images, and characterizations that he develops over the course of his career.

Following is the schedule of MOMA's McElwee screenings. (You can confirm times and dates by contacting the museum and/or checking this PDF at MOMA's website.) MOMA's $20 admission fee is notoriously expensive, but a $70 membership includes free admission to the museum and its movie program for a year--a good deal for frequent museumgoers.

Wednesday, September 21
6:30 BRIGHT LEAVES (2003)/CURATING (2002)
McElwee will be present for this opening screening of Bright Leaves, a film about tobacco and movies, among other subjects. It's paired with a rare short depicting curatorial work at the Boston Center for the Arts.


Thursday, September 22
6:00 SPACE COAST (1978)
McElwee and Michel Negroponte visit salt-of-the-earth folks living in the vicinity of Cape Canaveral, perhaps the one spot on earth most associated with the Space Age.

8:00 SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE WALL (1990)/RESIDENT EXILE (1981)
McElwee and family contemplate the Berlin Wall in Something to Do With the Wall. McElwee worked with Negroponte and Alexandra Anthony on Resident Exile, a still-relevant portrait of an Iranian exile living in the United States during the hostage crisis.


Friday, September 23
6:00 CHARLEEN (1978)/BACKYARD (1984)
Two key memoir-films about two of McElwee's favorite subjects: his former teacher Charleen Swansea and his own family.

8:15 SHERMAN'S MARCH (1986)
McElwee's brilliant and subtle magnum opus encompassing Cold War fear, romantic yearning, Charleen Swansea, and Burt Reynolds.


Saturday, September 24
2:00 TIME INDEFINITE (1993)
Rich imagery enhances McElwee's continued reflections on himself, his family, and a little something known as "mortality."

4:30 SIX O'CLOCK NEWS (1996)/KOSUTH (1997)
McElwee continues his autobiographical musings in Six O'Clock News, previously shown on Frontline. The rarely screened short Kosuth, made with Marilyn Levine, finds artist Joseph Kosuth in Boston for the installation of one of his works.

6:15 SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE WALL (1990)/RESIDENT EXILE (1981)

8:45 SPACE COAST (1978)


Sunday, September 25
2:00 SHERMAN'S MARCH (1986)

5:00 BRIGHT LEAVES (2003)/CURATING (2002)


Monday, September 26
6:00 CHARLEEN (1978)/BACKYARD (1984)

8:00 TIME INDEFINITE (1993)


Wednesday, September 28
8:30 SIX O'CLOCK NEWS (1996)/KOSUTH (1997)

IDIOTIC DESIGN. I'm an open-minded person, so of course I heartily agree with President George Bush when it comes to education. "People ought to be exposed to different ideas," he recently proclaimed.

With a universe of different ideas to champion, President Bush has shown a special fondness for an alternative to evolutionary theory. Sure, evolutionary theory has been accepted and explored for decades by an overwhelming majority of scientists worldwide. But President Bush, like Tom Cruise, isn't afraid to stand up to scientists and their "method." President Bush doesn't see any harm in mixing things up by teaching something different, such as "intelligent design."

Despite what you might have heard from President Bush's opponents, intelligent design is nothing to get all fired up about. It's merely an untested concept embraced by a relative handful of people who extrapolate that the universe might have been created by some kind of intelligent designer (or intelligent design firm). That's not so bad, is it?

I'm not sure why the President is so gung-ho about intelligent design, but what appeals to me about introducing it into schools is that it should also open the doors to another idea, which I thought up the other day. This concept, "idiotic design," is a counterpart to intelligent design. It extrapolates that the universe might well have been created by some kind of idiot (or idiotic design firm).

We don't have to bore ourselves with "research" to find ample evidence of idiotic design. It abounds in today's world. For instance, take the human mouth. As you have surely noticed, we are able to bite our own mouths--our tongues, lips, and inner cheeks. And that can hurt a lot! So you see? Only an idiot would have enabled us to ruin a perfectly good meal or snack by accidentally eating parts of our own mouths.

Moving from mouth to foot, we find many more examples. Let's descend past the funny bone and appendix to contemplate the pinkie toe. This little piggie is nearly useless, which is precisely why the pain we suffer after banging it against furniture is exceedingly idiotic. An intelligent designer would have found a way to make the toe feel little or no pain, or imbued us with some sort of foot antennae that would warn us when our toesies are too close to table legs and similar perils. Instead, our idiot designer has us bashing our tiny toes, crying out in agony, bloodying our socks, waking the children, and perhaps even getting a fracture, in which case we would then have to find a podiatrist because our idiot designer didn't imbue us with adequate healing ability.

Of course, idiotic design applies to more than human physiology. It can be found in everything, everywhere. For example, did you see that recent documentary about penguins? Sure, the birds look cute--but it takes an idiotic designer to situate them in one of the coldest spots on the planet and make the poor waddlers go to such extreme lengths to eat and fornicate. An intelligent designer would have found a better place for them to do those things. Like Aspen.

Want more evidence of idiotic design? Look at Planet Hollywood...or better yet, Planet Earth. An intelligent designer would have made it an extremely stable, comfortable place for all of its creatures (not just the penguins). Instead, the planet shakes, rattles, and rolls like a broken-down jalopy. Lately it's been very hot in New York--and the humidity just makes it worse. Considering all the earthquakes, windstorms, tidal waves, and other annoying plantary conditions that humanity endures, perhaps we should try to contact our idiotic designer to see if Earth is still eligible for a tune-up.

Now, I readily concede that the identity of our idiotic designer remains a mystery. (Perhaps sheer embarrassment or fear of lawsuits is keeping this entity "under wraps.") But otherwise the concept of idiotic design is so sensible that I'm astounded that it hasn't already taken hold. Indeed, I have enough faith in humanity to believe that the idiotic design will quickly catch on, displacing both evolutionary theory and intelligent design in high school classrooms and other places, including Stockholm, where different ideas are valued.

So as I await my call from the Nobel Prize committee, I want to thank President Bush for indirectly opening minds to the idea of idiotic design, which has so influenced our universe, our world, and ourselves. Keep up the good work!

Editor's Note: Since writing this, I've discovered that I might not have been the first to come up with the concept of idiotic design! Jim Holt wrote about it in The New York Times earlier this year. But that's okay--like Watson and Crick, I'm willing to share the honors.

SUMMER CAMP AND WINTER SOLDIER. If you're looking for an (extreme) alternative to the Film Forum's campy double feature of The Gang's All Here and Cobra Woman [see July 18, 2005], consider Lincoln Center's revival of the rarely screened 1972 documentary Winter Soldier, a record of testimony about atrocities perpetrated by U.S. troops in Vietnam. Michael Atkinson's Village Voice review makes a persuasive argument that Winter Soldier is still "imperative viewing." Tomorrow night's showing (with panel discussion) is sold out, but there will be screenings for about a week following.

DO IT FOR DOOHAN! Here's a way for some good to come out of the recent death of James Doohan, who appeared on the original Star Trek. Doohan, who had Alzheimer's Disease, played Scotty, chief engineer on the starship Enterprise (registry number NCC-1701). He died of pneumonia, a common fate of people with Alzheimer's.

In honor of Doohan, consider donating $17.01 (or $1701 if you're flush) to an organization involved in the fight against Alzheimer's. In New York City, one outstanding group is the Alzheimer's Association.

If you know any current or former trekkers or trekkies, feel free to pass along this suggestion!